drunks

The more I learn about the $750 billion bailout of derivatives, tranches and collateralized debt obligations, the more I think about drunks. The true drunk will do anything to keep drinking. Cheat. Steal. Betray. No one is above his treachery. He will destroy his family to get the next drink. On a binge, he will spend the wealth it took his family generations to accumulate, right down to the treasured mementos. He can be clever, fun, charismatic. Behind this mask he is a monster. At his most destructive, he wraps his addiction in layers of complexity and opacity, which non-drunks would simply call lies.

Substitute "banker" for "drunk" and I think we have a better understanding of the mess we're in. Consider State Street Bank. Its shares plunged 59 percent Tuesday as it revealed previously "unrealized losses." That's the drunk telling his wife he's wiped out the family savings. Citigroup and Bank of America shares are cheaper than value meals at McDonald's — territory we saw with the late Washington Mutual on the way to failure. That's the drunk in the gutter. The difference is they don't know they've hit bottom and must fundamentally change. They just want another drink.

They call it capital, and the last bar open is the federal Treasury.